Crisis Averted

The title of this post is also the title of the picture above.

If you are not watching The Office on NBC on Thursdays, "You are an idiot" as Dwight K. Schrute would say.

You Too Can Own Stupid

How did I not see this coming?

Some brilliant person who got the pleasure of cutting off all of Bitney Spear's hair is selling it along with the Red Bull can she was drinking from, a blue Bic lighter she used, and the shears used in the ordeal.

Opening bid. 1M$, or if you prefer:

$1,000,000.00

It's a pile of hair, an empty can, a 50 cent lighter, and $20 hair clippers. Some people.

Christmas No More

It is Christmas no more. Last night (January 23rd), I finally took it all down. I told my wife as I was doing it, "It has been up so long, even I am ready for it come down."

This is impressive as I am a huge Christmas nut and almost can't wait for Thanksgiving to be over soon enough so I can start Christmas without being looked at as crazy for beginning it too early.

But, it had all been up too long--mostly due to the fact that since Christmas we had remodeled from the ground up (new tile, toilets, vanities and sinks/faucets, mirrors, paint, towl hooks, and paneling) two bathrooms and our mudroom, laundryroom, and other areas. We've been busy, so Christmas has stayed.

I didn't Cry The Day I Took The Tree Down yesterday, but I did think of the song as it was coming down. You can't know the song without at least humming it as you do the deed (link will download the entire 4.6mb song). By the way, no that picture is not our house, but it is a good depiction of what it looks like when Christmas is officially over.

Global Warming Update #1

Oh the humanity!

9/32 . . . Really?

This may be my most boring post yet, but . . .

Last week I was hooking up one of my Christmas toys--a weather station complete with wind and rain sensors. As I was up about 15 feet in the air ontop of a ladder, ontop of the bed of my truck, I couldn't figure out which wrench was correct.

The 1/4 inch one was too small, but the 5/8 inch wrench too big. Not even any of those dirty metric ones worked. What was one to do?

Out I pulled a 9/32" wrench and it worked! What the H? Really? 9/32"? Who even knew such a wrench existed and why would anyone use it? Does it really add just enough more holding power than 1/4" to justify its existence.

Am I the only one?

Here it is. The beginning of Season 6 and I feel like the only person in America (or probably Canada too for that matter), who has never watched a single "hour" of 24.

I think it may be about time I went and rented Season 1, Disc 1 to see what all the hullabaloo is about. It's okay if I get hooked. Right now I really only have one TV show I watch since I gave up CS(ex)I and CS(ex)I: Miami. That show would be The Office of course.

All Hail the NEW 100 Grand with Coconut

So, I have been known to dispise the 100 Grand candy bar dispite it being my wife's favorite. The main reason is that it gives you a "sugar tooth". This is the term my friends and I used for when some kind of sugary confection (usually caramel or some sort of nougat), would get stuck in your tooth and actually cause a sugary pain--not a normal one, but a pain you can tell is the responsibility of refined sugar. I believe that that sugar is eating away at your tooth at this point and getting directly past the enamel and all. Kind of a root canal performed by Mr. Goodbar, DDS.

Along with such favorites as Sugar Babies, Charleston Chew, and Big Hunk, the 100 Grand is notorious for giving the sugar tooth due to its thick, sticky caramel. However, that is all changed now. A new version of the 100 Grand is out and the sticky caramel is replaced with toasted coconut and it kicks butt. So long sugar tooth. Hello coconut.

UPDATE:

For those of you wanting a humorous and thorough review of snack foods, check out WASAW: Writers and Artists Snacking at Work. Just don't be freaked out by the voice proclaiming, "Snacks" . . . you'll see.

Tea Time

It may be 9:50 in the morning, but here it's tea time. It is a chilly 6 degrees (F)--and that's up a bit from when I woke up. My feet are chilly, it's cold and blustery outside, but I have my peppermint herbal tea with (leftover from Christmastime) Peppermint Mocha Coffee-mate. Now, if only I weren't at work.

A Sack of Salt and a Broom!

Ya, a sack of salt and a broom. Don't know why I thought of this today, but in my family's Christmas tradition, we were never threatened with a lump of coal in our stocking if we were ill-behaved, naughty children. We were always threatened with a sack of salt and a broom.

Don't know where that came from. My mother's side was steeped in Dutch and Swedish tradition, so I figure it came from there somewhere as did most traditions I continue to carry forward. I can't even remember what the sack of salt and the broom were for. Evidently, cleaning up, and . . . um, preserving meats? Don't know. Perhaps one of my smart siblings or cousins knows from what tradition this springs and what they are given to naughty children for.

In any case, I will carry it on. I may not remember much about it, but it is cooler and different from the lump of coal that most kids are threatened with. Plus, how many traditions do you keep that you really understand? I thought so.

UPDATE:

Leave it to my brilliant cousin Beorn of Ravensmoon Replicas (shameless plug) to get me the answer and get it quick. In his own words:

" . . . the sack of salt and broomstick thing . . . Sack of salt, to wash out your dirty, dirty mouth. Broomstick, to spank your naughty rear end with. It's a Swedish thing."

There you have it. Perfect Old World scare tactics at their best. I love it. I'm sure you could still cure meats though with the salt.

Tall? Girl? Running?

For those of you have missed it, there is this great new blog out there by some girl who is hyper-fanatical about running and likes to rub everyone's nose in it. Especially those of us who are fat and lazy and don't give a crap about running (even though the Army makes us give a crap about it).

In any case, check it out. She's my sister-in-law and updates it much more often than I do this blog, so at least you'll have something to read during the 3 weeks or so it takes me to update.

I've linked it on my sidebar, so you can always find it from here. Oh, and I'm just kidding about what I said above Angie . . . the Army could NEVER make me give a crap about running. Also, you're not so tall.

Chesno Christmas 2006

Wow. Nothing about Christmas. Really? Hmmm. My favorite time of year and haven’t written a word.

That’s probably because I hate to see it go. Here it is the 10th of January. Christmas is two-and-a-half weeks in the can and I haven’t taken down my decorations yet—inside or out. I have pretty much stopped listening to Christmas music already though. That is a change as it usually plays in my car until about Valentine’s Day.

So, Christmas was great. The boy was excited like his father. A party every night from the 23rd-26th, our Swedish smorgasbord at Auntie Karin’s house, and seeing cousins, siblings, parents, in-laws, aunts, uncles, and even step-brothers and sisters. Almost couldn’t be more perfect.

We did have a change of heart though this year. It was funny because both my wife and I came upon it independently. We have spent 11 Christmases together as a married couple and not a single one of them in our own home. One year we didn’t even put up a tree (shudders). Next year (by which I mean this year), we are going to spend it at home. Not at home where we grew up. At home. Our home. We will still visit family and attend parties, and it would take another tour in Iraq to keep me from the smorgasbord, but Christmas will be in our own home this year.

New Blog?

I am currently tranferring this old blog into the new, improved format that Blogger had created for us. Hopefully it will be better, so stick with me while I make the changes.

Lisa, it's your birthday. Happy Birthday Lisa!

If any of you have seen the Simpsons 3rd Season episode "Stark Raving Dad", then you are familiar with the Lisa Birthday Song. Today is the day to sing it. My baby sister Lisa is 28 years old today. As the song goes:

"Lisa, it's your birthday. God bless you this day. You gave me the gift of a little sister, and I'm proud of you today.

Lisa, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Lisa. Lisa, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Lisa.

I wish you love and good will. I wish you peace and joy. I wish you better than your heart desires. And your first kiss from a boy.

Lisa, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Lisa. Lisa, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Lisa."

Happy Birthday Sis.

Bolshoy Waste of Time

So, I am about 5 hours south of home now in Cedar City, Utah. I have been here for the past 2 days. I am here for work to monitor the effects of oil and gas exploration seismic work on the endangered Utah Prairie Dog. Sounds reasonable enough, eh?

The deal is, the "dogs" have a buffer around their colonies that will prevent seismic exploration anywhere near them. Furthermore, they are currently underground, hibernating for the winter and the amount of energy put out by the machines isn't even enough to make dirt fall in from their tunnel walls. That's good.

So, the problem is, we've (yes, two biologists are required to do this, including one of us with an underground tunnel camera), only monitored one site (a total of 15 minutes) in the two days we've been here. Furthermore, we won't get to do it at all today either (like yesterday), so tomorrow morning, we will monitor one more site and then get to go home--until next week when we are needed again. Aaaaarrrrrrgggghhhh.

Guess I'll break out some more Star Trek dvds and enjoy myself some more.

Chesno Mom

Yesterday was the 64th anniversaryof the birth of my mother. Unfortunately, she is no longer with us to celebrate the day.

Last week I began watching her funeral I have on video tape--only the second time I have done so in ten and-a-half years. I got through about half of my brother David's eulogy and had to turn it off. I'll try again later.

We love you and miss you mom. Happy Birthday.

The Fruit of a Cold Day

So, yesterday was cold. The first real cold day we've had so far this year. Consequently, the night before, A Christmas Story was shown on TV. Someone on the bus had the idea that it would be a good idea to tell my 5-year-old son of the good idea it is to stick your tongue to a frozen pole.

I got a call at work at about 9am. The boy needed picking up.

When I showed up, he was crying hysterically. His mouth was full of blood and his tongue looked bruised, except for the tip which looked like a chunk was out of it.

We went to the doctor. The same one we've been to for stiches, stiches removal, ear infection, and now this--all in the past 5 weeks or so. I think they are dedicating a new wing to my son early in the new year.

Of course, there was nothing the doc could do except give him some pain reliever, oh, and a pop sickle. Go figure, the boy wanted something else that was freezing cold in his mouth after that experience, and even ate another 3 after we got home.

By the time I went back to work he seemed fine and was eating pizza now that the bleeding had stopped over an hour later. This morning it looked almost as good as new.

Now, if I could just figure out who put him up to it. I have a feeling it was his friend who got spooked and left him there alone stuck to the pole once he got scared. Just like in the movie.

Bad Tooth Fairy, Bad Fairy

So, Sunday night my 5 year old lost his first tooth. He was so excited for the tooth fairy to come to our house for the first time ever. We put his little, first, baby tooth under The Good Fairy--a statue from the 1917(?) World's Fair that was used in my grandmother's, mother's, my, and now our home for the same purpose of safeguarding the children's teeth until the "real" Good Fairy could spirit them away while leaving them a present in exchange.

When he woke up yesterday morning, he ran to the Good Fairy to find she had forgotten to come. My wife scrambled.

"We just moved the Good Fairy yesterday when we were decorating for Christmas didn't we? Perhaps she had a hard time finding it."

I got in on the action. "Also, it was stormy last night. Perhaps she had a hard time getting everywhere. She's probably just a little late."

Our speculations proved true. The Tooth Fairy did come that day--while my boy was at school and while mom was at the store. I knew she didn't forget.

Chesno Good Business

Golden Corral restaurants have been giving out free meals to Veterans on the Monday after Veteran's Day for some time now. Since 2001, they have given away more than 1,230,960 meals. Last year, I partook in my first one. It was busy, but they also sold a meal to my wife and son they otherwise wouldn't have.

I'm not saying everyone should give veterans things for free just to sell to their family who wouldn't have patronized their store otherwise. I really feel that Golden Corral is doing it because they feel it is a good way they can honour vets. As proof of this too, they have raised $1,393,883 for the Disabled American Veterans Organization. This is the type of organization I prefer to patronize--those who give back and support real American values.

So, visit your local Golden Corral and tell them you support and appreciate their efforts to feed and honour veterans. Just, maybe tonight isn't the night to do it--the line will be long and you'll have to wait at the grill behind me.

Chesno Vote

Today is election and at about 7:50am or so I voted. I listened to the advice of my cousin and voted for people, not parties.

Now, at the polls I did not encounter:

1) Lawyers ensuring everything was going as planned.
2) Bribes of underwear, or Top Ramen to get out and vote.
3) Long lines.
4) Incompetent poll workers.
5) Any voter fraud at all.

It was smooth and easy. I hope the rest of the country finds the same. Although, with some already calling voter fraud in the days BEFORE election day, this may even get uglier than it already has.

(Ahmed) Best Halloween Costume Ever . . . Chesno!

Here it is 2006--7 years after The Phantom Menace hit the screen, and last night I saw a child wearing a costume of the amazingly stupid Jar Jar Binks.

I was blown away. Of course, I don't blame the child. I'm sure his parent found it at the local Goodwill for a quarter and told him he was being Jar Jar this Halloween. Oh, and if he didn't stop that crying, it would be next year too.

The child did have some sense though. He had the plastic "face" mask. You know, the kind that was all the rage in the 1950s through 1980s that didn't pull down over your head, but were held on by a thin piece of white elastic around the back of your head. So, instead of actually wearing the mask on his face, he pulled it up on top of his head like a hat. Smart boy.

I made sure I gave him a fun-sized Abba Zaba for his trouble.

For those of you who need the Jar Jar costume, look here, here, and for the deluxe mask, here. The last one is worth looking at just because you get an idea of what the disembodied head of Jar Jar would look like.